Smešni, interesantni tekstovi o raznim geek temama

[NjegovaWisost]

Naj citati na mircu

[Dio37]

Moji favoriti...

<fabz> I think we need to work on our communication.. one guy is talking crap, one just goes "lol" and the other one doesn't understand what's going on
<atsleek> lol
<Nefemus> what?

**You know you're in a Racist channel when you see this**
(19:22:54)<Jaayy> I like my coffee the way I like my niggers.
(19:22:59)<Naive-EOC> Dead?
(19:23:01)<Derid-EOC> In the Field?
(19:23:02)<Ball-licker> In jail?
(19:23:06)<Humur> Killing each other?
(19:23:08)<Naive-EOC> Stealing?
(19:23:09)<Sailym> Covered in blood?
(19:23:11)<Humur> 5$ a piece?
(19:23:13)<Derid-EOC> Stupid?
(19:23:20)<Jaayy> ...
(19:23:31)<Jaayy> BLACK YOU FU**ING RACIST BASTARDS! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!

<Dogan> GUYS, STORY TIME
<Dogan> SO my teacher's friend's friend or something
<Dogan> She was dogsitting one day
<Dogan> Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
<Nightryde> how embarrassing
<Dogan> SO she's gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
<Dogan> She can't find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
<Dogan> She didn't have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
<Zeelot> oh mannnn
<Dogan> This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
<Dogan> "this is pretty heavy, what's in it?"
<Dogan> lady replies "just some computer things"
<Dogan> the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
<joebot> ROFLMAO ROFLROFLROFL!!!
<Zeelot> OMG ROOOOOOOOOFL
<Nightryde> AHAHAHAHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???
Comment: True story.

[Dr Zoidberg]

Ovo je extra bas sam se ljudski ismejao

[Ghost]

<evilAdmin> Oy! Maybe my job does rock.
<evilAdmin> Da Fluke network tester (a $6000 Gameboy wannabe) was broken today since someone took the lithium batteries out of it and neglected to put them back in the case.
<evilAdmin> We had to test out the connection between floors 2&4, going through floor 3 in the process.
<evilAdmin> so I tell da b0ss that the Network tester is dead... And I need to generate network traffic so I can see the stats on the switches and routers, make sure no packets are being killed prematurely.
<evilAdmin> So he sayz "How much is that tester worth?", I say "6K". He says "Great!".
<evilAdmin> he picks up his office phone, hits the global annoucement button, and says "Floors Two, Three, and Four, our IT Admin requires that you generate network traffic for equipment testing. Grab Half Life off my network share, I'll host". He hangs up and says "Happy?", I say "that works".
<evilAdmin> The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to a rather large Half Life MP game on Crossfire .

<studdud> what the fuck is wtf

[NjegovaWisost]

Qq, a tek #2605
Možda bi neko trablo da prevede, za one koji ne znaju eng. Ja stvarno nemam živaca... A i sami Bog zna koliko bih zvjezdica morao da stavim

[Nash Knight]

A postoji i vec kultni http://www.bash.org/?latest. U stvari, ova dva sajta izgledaju gotovo identicno, u cemu je fora??

[NjegovaWisost]

Nisu sa mirca, al su moćni, ja sam plakao

Top quotes of all time, al naši

[NjegovaWisost]

http://www.srbovanje.com/modules/new...php?storyid=66

Obratite pažnju na markove šefove

Inače znam lika, (s obzirom da sam i ja u mensi) i zavrašava ovaj fakultet što piše i hoće drugi da upiše....

[NjegovaWisost]

50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes
• Operator! Give me the number for 911!
• Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
• Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
• Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
• I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
• Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
• Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
• Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
• Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
• Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
• You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
• Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.


• When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
• Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
• I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
• [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
• What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
• Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
• Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
• The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
• When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
• I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

• Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
• I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
• Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

[NjegovaWisost]

• Centrala! Dajte mi broj za 911!
• Bart, sa 10.000$ bili bismo milioneri... Mogli bismo da kupimo razne korisne stvari kao... ljubav!
• Samo zbog toga sto me nije briga ne znaci da ne razumijem!
• Nisam od onih koji se mole, ali ako si gore, molim te spasi me, Supermen!
• Sine, ako stvarno zelis nesta u zivotu, moras da radis za to. Sad cuti! Objavljuju brojeve izvucene na lotou.
• Dakle, 1h je posle ponoci. Bolje da odem kuci i provedem malo vremena sa djecom.
• Mozda ce me, makar jednom, neko nazvati „Gospodine“ bez nastavka „Pravite scenu“ (’glupirate se’ je, po meni, prirodnije).
• Mardz, nemoj da obeshrabrujes ovog djecaka. Izvlacenje od obaveza je vazna stvar koju mora da nauci. To je ono sto nas odvaja od zivotinja! Osim od lasica.
(igra rijeci; weasel – lasica, takodje: izvuci se)
• Krofne... Postoji li ista sto one ne mogu da urade?
• Znate, momci, nuklearni reaktor je slican zeni... Samo treba da procitate uputstvo i pritisnete pravo dugme.
• Liza, ako ne volis tvoj posao, ne protestvuj... Idi svaki dan na posao i radi ga polovicno. To americki nacin.
• Kada cu nauciti? Odgovori na zivotne probeme se ne nalaze na dnu flase, nalaze se na televiziji!
• Sine, kada ucestvujes u sportskim dogadjajima, nije vazno to da li dobijas ili gubis: bitno je koliko se napijes!
• Idem na zadnje sjediste mog automobila sa zenom koju volim, i necu se vracati deset minuta!
• [posjeta vanzemaljaca] Molim vas, nemojte da me pojedete! Imam zenu i djecu... Pojedite njih!
• Za sta ce nam psihijatar? Znamo da su nam djeca luda.
• Mardz, lijepa si kao Princeza Leia i pametna kao Yoda!
(Princess Leia i Yoda – likovi iz onog djubreta „Star Wars“)
• Djeco, dali ste sve od sebe i mnogo se razocarali. Lekcija je – nikad ne pokusavajte.
• Jedini monstrum ovdje je kockarski monstrum koji je zarobio vasu majku. Ja ga zovem Gamblor, i vrijeme je da zgrabim vasu majku iz njegovih neonskih kandzi!
(Gamblor – izmisljena rijec kojom Homer naziva ’zlog kockarskog demona’)
• Kada vidim osmijehe na svim djecijim licima, jednostavno znam da ce me necim ubosti (ili ’udariti’).
• Danas mi je najbolji dan u zivotu i duzan sam da ne idem u Crkvu!
• Ja nisam los momak! Vrijedno radim i volim svoju djecu. Zasto bih onda proveo pola nedjelje (Sunday) slusajuci o tome kako cu otici u pakao?
• Izvuci se od duznosti porote je veoma lako. Fora je u tome da kazes da imas predrasude prema svim rasama.

Prevod: moj drug matija

[DarkNemos]

NjegovaWisost kaže:

zavrašava

Jesi li siguran da si u mensi?

Šalim se. Pozdrav

[NjegovaWisost]

Greška u kucanju.
Ko je ovaj što je bio na SIGu Paintball u Mensi a nije mi se potpisao?
Joj što bih volio da odem na to čudo, al nema nigdje u blizini...

[Mobius]

Verovali ili ne, možete ovo pročitati:


Nsam vrevoao da zpavrao mgou rzmaueti ono što čtaim.

Zaavljhuujći nobniečnoj mćoi ljdksuog mgzoa,

pemra irtažsiavnjima nučainka sa Kmbreidža,

njie vžano kjoim su roedsldoem npiasnaa slvoa u rčei,

jdieno je btino da se pvro i psldeonje sovlo nlaaze na sovm msteu.

Otasla solva mgou btii u ptponuom nerdeu i bez ozibra na ovu oloknost,

tkest mžeote čtiati bez pobrelma.

Ovo je zobg tgoa što ljduksi mzoak ne čtia savko slvoo pnaooosb,

vec rčei psmraota kao cleniu.

Oavj preomećaj je šljiavo nzavan tipoglikemija.

P.S.
Bolji je osecaj sa srpsko-latinicnim fontovima

Edit: da znaš da jeste --Admin

[Dio37]

Gle, stvarno mogu da procitam.

[urke]

E, zato ja redovno pravim typoe a ne vidim ih I redovno umesto Kragujevac odčukam Kraguejvac.

[SirDuck]

Dorba fora.
Viedo sam ovo nedge vec na ovom fourmu.

[NjegovaWisost]

Prilično dobra stvar, mada četo kada kucam neki ogroman tekst izpremetam slova od brzine pisanja, kao urke što radi, ja ukucam Pljvelja i sl. Zanimljivo

[NjegovaWisost]

Marrige Mathematics


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS &STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

_____________________________
HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

______________________________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[NjegovaWisost]

A pazite ovo (God dawn it, jedna djevojka me zasipa mejlovima ko spemom) What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment


NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising

[Game fever]

A ovo svako moze da procita ili ima neki odredjen procenat ljudi koji ne moze. BTW ja sam prtioaco